Saturday, May 1, 2010

Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally.

To all my faithful followers, my sincerest apologies. It has been much too long since my last blogpost. The slacking can be attributed to the fact that I have been trying to focus on re-learning and teaching things like order of operations and comprehension strategies. It's hard to get your priorities in check when all you want to do is have a little fun and write about it. Why can't I just be a blogging socialite?! I don't think this is too much to ask. Maybe I should look into connecting with Perez.

I have a ton of word vomit to spew but I'm going to take baby steps and start with a story that was recently shared with me by my friend Bambi St. Claire. A little background on Bambi: She is a good little girl with a large sexual appetite. To avoid promiscuity, she often abstains from one night stands and fleeting flings. Unfortunately, this abstinence only heightens her horny teenage boy mindset. Speaking of teenagers, her story involves some seriously juvenile behavior. After breaking things off with her last boy, Bambi was going on 6 weeks with no sex in the champagne room. That is no fun for anyone. So when Bambi met a boy (we'll call him Enrique Burnham- long story) about a month ago she had difficulty abstaining (she waited a week). On their third hangout, she was feeling frisky after a few cocktails...
Fast forward about 3 minutes. Instead of meeting her friends at the next bar, she suggests a sexual tryst in the backseat of his SUV. Wildy hot success. She takes him home where more steamy plowing takes place. Way to go...girl.
Bambi called me this morning with a similar story... there seems to be a pattern developing with them. Last night they met up and potentially consumed one too many adult beverages. On their walk back to his car they ran into Metro Wastecase stumbling along the road talking smack to some drunk college boys. This resulted in flying fists and choke holds. EB couldn't let his boy get jumped, so he stepped in to deflect. Bambi stared helplessly in an astonished drunken haze. Was this really happening? Enrique walked away with a fat lip and a lump on the noggin. My girl Bambi felt it was only appropriate to nurse his fat lip with a car make-out sesh followed by some backseat boinking. She is so giving. Articles of clothing were lost in the struggle and she ended up walking into her apartment with panties in hand while he entered shirtless- so T. Thankfully her roomie was sleeping (passed out) soundly on the couch by this time. Bambi promised to keep me informed if and when the teenage antics continue.

I failed to mention that Bambi is in her mid twenties and Enrique is in his early thirties. Perhaps they are making up for virginal high school years? Regardless, I'm into it.

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