Thursday, March 3, 2011

A Novel Idea.

Short term goals: Successfully complete high school special ed student teaching, graduate magna cum laude, obtain masters degree, acquire teaching position of choice.
Long term goal: Write a book and get it published.
Problem: Where do I begin?

Here's the skinny... as often as DWD refers to me as Bradshaw and as much as I love love love the compliment, I am hyper aware of the fact that I am not a literary genius. I am just another girl with a blog, forcing her narcissistic agenda on her readers. (That being said, I am grateful for all you readers).
Lately, my long term goal is superseding my short terms. I blame this on my yet to be diagnosed attention deficit disorder and constant need for intellectual stimulation and excitement. The more and more memoirs I read, the more fascinated I become with the authors, the more I want to meet them and discuss their journey from living their life to putting it in print. Here is where I struggle... I am not sure I have enough material to write a memoir that incorporates enough detail, drama and self-deprecation to fill 150+ pages. Who can honestly recall and vividly describe experiences that occurred over 15 years ago? I have been browned out every weekend for the majority of the past decade. Am I proud of this? No. Did I enjoy myself? Yes. Stay focused, girl. Long term goal. If I can't write a memoir, do I go for a novel? And how do I get someone to believe in my work, get a publisher and important people to quote on the back cover? One of my favorite back cover quotes has to be from Chelsea Handler's My Horizontal Life, "Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume... if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen year olds." This spot-on synopsis sparked inspiration for Handler's second book, Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. Anyone that knows me, knows I would die for a chance to meet Chelsea. I am also delusional and convinced that upon meeting me she would fall in love with me and make me one of her minions. Until I attain moderate celebrity status, I am fearful that my memoir will not get past the half off bin at Christmas Tree Shop.

Solution: Write a novel or collection of stories that are loosely based on the truth and appeal to the masses. I have a few novel ideas in mind. One would serve as a guide for the many lost souls swimming in this fish bowl with no redeeming social skills. I seem to encounter a plethora of socially awkward citizens and am perpetually perplexed by their existence in this game of life. How do they continue to evolve and survive when they constantly make themselves and others uncomfortable? I want to produce a book to help them. I am such a giver... ridding the world of social awkwardness, one reader at a time. Novel idea #2 is top secret because it involves a very bossy business partner, but I will say it has the potential to be a work of solid gold trashy lit. Let's just hope I have the drive to take one of these ideas, hit the ground running, and convince someone in a position of power to put my work into many a leather bound book.

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