The Single and Fabulous Bucket List.

We all love to live vicariously. Chi Girl recently bullied me into divulging the details of a recent date night while I was out with friends. I told her I would call her later and spill, but she wasn't having that. "Stop being selfish. Cobwebs are forming on my vagina. I need to live vicariously."
So CG and her equally fabulous fellow Pharm Girl (CG actually said that she is the only girl she is truly jealous of because "she is everything that I am but better looking and more disciplined") decided to create a Sexual Bucket List for her. Pharm Girl is engaged, so it is her turn to live vicarioulsy. Here is what they came up with thus far...

1. Big black athlete
2. Old man... specifically someone's Dad
3. Lipstick lesbian
Stipulations slash parameters straight from Chi Girl:
"Mind you please that I will not be omitting and or passing up any other sexual predations because of said bucket list."
"It will be a compliment to the already existing and works in progress. Not a supplement."

Pharm Girl plans to tackle #3 as well. This poses an interesting question: is girl on girl considered cheating? Or should she chalk it up to sheer curiosity and experimentation? Which brings me to the topic of bisexuality, one that I have always struggled with. Bisexual men always end up with men and bisexual women always end up with men. This doesn't leave us hetero single gals with many remaining available men.
Back on topic: CG and PG have inspired me to create my own sexual bucket list and I encourage you readers to follow suit. "These things are fun, and fun is good." Yeah... I just quoted a children's author and made reference to lady parts in the same post. NBD. When I asked CG for publishing permission (I'm a courteous blogger!), she said "by all means, carry on. you're an artist. I would never stand in the way of your creative spirit." Aww thanks...guurrlll.

Chi Girl is going out tonight... and told me to stay tuned.

Are we sluts?

"Are we romantically challenged, or are we sluts?"

-My girl, Carrie Bradshaw

What... a weekend. As we rapidly approach another summer, the weekends get increasingly more wild and we seem to revert back to college behavior. Take Friday night, for instance.

Christie's sucked. One drink and then we were off to meet the boys at the Net. They had already headed over to OTR, but we decided to have one there anyway. After Kitty-Cat and I ordered a couple of LARGE ketel sodas, some dumpy d-bag comes up next to me and says, "You two look like old chicks that I don't know what to say to." I did NOT appreciate this comment and proceeded to school him on the ways in which to speak to women. He was clearly intimidated (admitted it), then went on to ask if we were lesbians. "I don't know, maybe it's the black hair." What... a mess.

Across the street at OTR, we run into The Network's boy and his girlfriend Dixie Chick (one of my non-celebrity girl crushes) and KC fills them in on The Network's hard core creepy antics the weekend prior. We love to throw people under the bus. Downstairs in basement haven, we weren't feeling the vibe as much as we usually do and made the rash decision to Newport-ditch our poor friends and hit up another bar for last call.

Once there, Kitty-Cat's long time crush comes barreling over and offers us shots. I got stuck having a heart-to-heart with one of Bear Paws's boys while KC's crush whisked her away to fondle her in the beer cooler. I was completely unaware of this at the time and got hit with the brunt of the angry kids we had ditched while KC was MIA(Chowe and Reef Rider, I will apologize again. Love you for understanding). On Kitty-Cat's way out to meet me in the car, her School Murse, who moonlights as a lead singer in a cover band, stops her and ultimately gets her digits, tells her she's beautiful and suggests a dinner date the following night. Whoa. When it rains, it pours. On a sidenote, the cooler story reminds me of an encounter that Novel Girl told me about 6 months ago with her ex boy toy. They were at a birthday party and decided to slip away to the unisex bathroom.... fast forward a few minutes and in barges a Big Bad Bouncer, looking at them and simply stating, "see me after". NG asks ex boy toy wft that means, and he responds "I'm going to have to pay him off." You would think this scenario couldn't possibly get more awkward, but then ex boy toy goes on to question, "What do you think an appropriate amount is, Novel Girl? 40 bucks?" She shoots him a look of bewilderment. "I don't know. Do you think this is something I have experience with ?"

This past Sunday was another fantastic Sunday Funday. Sun was out at OB's and that meant plenty of thirsty creeps. Reef Rider shows up with the girls out to play. A certain Pompous Ass was a little drunkski and whispered a proposition in her ear. She was feeling a little frisky (per usual) and decided to stealthily make her exit with the promise to meet us at our next stop. Fast forward an hour (or less? the day got away from me) and she entered Pelham with a look of disdain. Pompous Ass and his afternoon delight was an utter disappointment. Reef Rider did, however, get a few solid swigs of Jack in to really send her full speed ahead. As she was chugging from the bottle, PA asked, "Am I that ugly that you need to drink?" Ahhh... you really can't make this stuff up.

For the record, I am going with romantically challenged. There is no male word for slut, and that just seems unfair.

Taking it back to the old school.

Behold, the inspiration behind my 90's shout-out...
TFLN with Chi Girl because her phone recently broke and I have been feeling disconnected from her:

"Do you have a working bbm yet?" -Me

"Apparently you missed the memo that I hot tub time machined back to the nineties and I'm stuck here at the hands of the merciless masochists at verizon wireless." -Chi Girl

"I'm on facebook fire tonight... I need to shut her down before I outdo myself." -CG

Her fb post on my wall at that time: "hey...my phone called... it says it wants its pogs and L.E.I. denim back... thanks"

"Your posts are amazing. I miss gchatting/bbming. Texting you is BS." -Me

"You're just lucky you don't have to write me letters or wait til after five and call my house phone." -Chi Girl

"P.S. I'm wearing a pad... so my cell phone doesn't feel bad about itself." -CG

Girl is hilarious. Enjoy this compilation of things that came to mind when I reflected on the decade that I am proud to be a product of. I must credit my faithful facebook friends for their contributions. Do I smell teen spirit??

FASHION: everything neon, flannel, l.e.i. denim, spaghetti strap tanks over white tees, Starter jackets (I rocked a charlotte hornets one), scrunchies, boss jeans, addidas sambas, snap bracelets (banned from school in 2nd grade), overalls with one strap down, tie-dye, flat tops, butterfly clips...

MUSIC: NIRVANA (RIP Kurt Cobain, you were brilliant), counting crows (specifically the august and everything after album blasting in my dad's apartment in brookline), sublime (defined my middle school summers...especially "caress me down." I was a creep at a young age), DMB, bone thugs (see you at the crossroads), madonna (like a virgin!), BIGGIE BIGGIE BIGGIE, tupac, TLC, Salt n Pepa, No Doubt (tragic kingdom was one of my first fav cds), boyz II men, the spice girls (now tell me what I want what I really really want)... honestly I could go on for days, and I expect people to comment below...

POP CULTURE: Saved by the Bell!!!, 90210, TGIF!! (hellloooo Sabrina, Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Step by Step, Hangin with Mr. Cooper, Perfect Strangers, etc), SNICK (clarissa, all that, ren & stimpy, rugrats, all that!, alex mack, are you afraid of the dark?), Game shows instead of reality TV, Clueless, In living Color, Married...with children, everything nickelodeon had to offer, fresh prince, titanic, home alone, sonic the hedgehog, pogs, tomogotchi, hello kitty, mortaalll kombaaatttt, duck hunt, Friends ("the Rachel"), and again, the list could go on...

While I am grateful to have oodles of information at my fingertips and constant connection with friends all over the country, I found comfort in thinking back to a time when we wrote letters, checked our pagers (was I ghetto?), and got a thrill/embarassed when a call came from a member of the opposite sex on the house phone. So many fabulous things were born in that decade. Thanks kids for helping me take a walk back in time. I'm going to be requesting some 90's jams at OTR tonight, for sure!

Insomnia is rough stuff. Some late night musing...

Blake Mycoskie is the sexy activist behind the TOMS shoes project. His One to One business model gives one pair of shoes for every pair sold to a child in need. Tomorrow, April 8th, join Blake and go barefoot to spread awareness of the impact a single pair of shoes can have on a child's life. I will be baring my sole(s) at work tomorrow :) Ladies, if you support this cause and find Blake as aesthetically pleasing as I do, check him out on Chelsea Lately tomorrow at 11 pm!

Some more completely arbitrary word vomit...

1. Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carey announced their split and genuine respect for each other via twitter. This makes me sad and also makes me reconsider my current stand on twitter (anti). Should i begin tweeting?

2. I am FIENDING for some live music in my life. E! News is on TV as I write this, and they just mentioned Coachella, which I recently discussed with Biker Boy, as he attended it several times (music envy). Kings of Leon is one of the headliners... that voice turns. me. on. Someone take me please.

3. Call me Patty Stanger because I am the new matchmaker! Thanks to yours truly, DWD has a date tomorrow evening with a very sweet, good girl. If this connection works out, he may have to tone down his face-planting and pole-dancing moves.

4. Novel Girl blogged about me. It was brilliant, hilarious and mildly embarrassing (am I a pervert?). Thanks girl, we really need to collaborate. I'm sick of saying it.

Shit got weird last night.

Apparently alcohol consumption can lead to blacking out, hangovers and memory lapses. Last night was yet another wild night, but I accidentally got to my weird glazed eyes blackout mode at OTR. In short, this post is going to be dicey and might lack pertinent details. Forgive me and my trusty friend, Ketel One.
Egg arrives at 8:30 with champagne, beer and vodka. What a good Egg. He gets a little angry because he is without a wingman and we are taking too long to get ready. Although, I'm fairly certain he found pleasure in helping us decide on an outfit.
10:00- We are off to Christie's, the bar that is too trendy for Egg. He still insists on ordering a dirty martini. Plenty of creeps in attendance. Met a boy and proceeded to become insta-besties with him (exchanged bbms, blogspot and friendly banter). He shares my passion for severe sarcasm, proper grammar and not taking yourself seriously.
11:45ish- Time to brave the basement and blackout at OTR. It was PACKED again. We got freaky on the dance floor with the dumps and that is pretty much all I remember. Kitty-Cat informed me this morning that a YB was trying to take me home... I didn't notice. I do remember spilling a drink on a boy and him getting angry to the point that I thought it might get violent (my 2nd bar fight already?!). Luckily my friends dragged me out of there before it got ugly.
1:30ish- I failed to mention that The Network was at OTR being a KING creeper with Kitty-Cat. I always knew he had a thing for her. Keep in mind, we haven't hung out much with him and his boys in the past couple years. They were our go-to party friends back in the summer of 07, but then they all got gfs and we moved on to our dumps. Anywayyyy, Egg and Kitty-Cat are fighting about whether or not we should order pizza and in stumbles The Network. No invite, no phone call, just strolls in the apt at 1:30 am like he owns it (this is not the first time a creep showed up without warning. See You can't rain on our parade). All I really remember is Kitty-Cat repeatedly mentioning that she did NOT invite him, while he drinks Eggy's beers and snacks on our chips and salsa. KC and I escape to my bed to chat about this bizarre situation at hand. Out in the living room, The Network says to Egg, "They're easy. Let's go knock them down." IS THIS KID SERIOUS!? Egg says no and The Network enters my room and attempts to initiate a threesome. What... a creep. After stone cold rejection, he FINALLY gets the hint. Actually, I think we actually told him it was time for him to go. Wow. Did that really happen?

Today was a spectacular day at BBW. Great visitors and sunshine really tickle my pickle. Now I will attempt to destroy this hangover with a run, shower and more booze.

Sunday funday. College style.

Per Reef Rider's request, I am going to share the story of our day last Sunday. It started off fairly uneventful, with a little rest and relaxation. Kitty-Cat and I decided we couldn't let Restaurant Week pass us by without participating, so we opted for lunch at the Brick and invited RR along. My gourmet burger, sweet potato ff and blue moon really hit the spot (original plan was to stay away from adult beverages so I could get school work done, but clearly I lack will power). P.S. My fb status read, "Going out to GL with Kitty cat and Reef Rider." GL in this case meant "get lunch," but as you can imagine, I got plenty of feedback from the dumps with that one. After linner, RR mentioned an adult toy shop downtown and suggested that we check it out. So her "dinner and dildos date" dream (I sweat alliteration) came true, in the form of a late lunch and a trip to Wild Orchid (who knew lower Thames had a hidden sex toy gem?). We had GTs in there. KC and I opted for the modest yet POWERFUL silver bullet (brought me back to my college days. That sex toy party in the great room opened my eyes and mind to battery operated devices), while RR perused the hardcore section and settled on the "Thrusting JackRabbit." This thing has lots of bells and whistles (almost a little frightening), but it was right up Reef Rider's alley. Naturally. She did inform me the next day that it was mildly disappointing. Not powerful enough for her sexual prowess.

Kitty-Cat and I spent the next couple hours on the couch, with bowls of Samoas ice cream and Juno playing. Solid Sunday funday if I do say so myself.

A few other random thoughts...

1. One of my Starbucks girls (yes, I have Starbucks girls. I go there everyday and they love me, mainly because I have no shame in toting a "Team Jacob" water bottle with me daily) convinced me to purchase the Broken Bells album this week, and I have not stopped listening. James Mercer from the Shins and Danger Mouse of Gnarls Barkley. I love me a killer collaboration. Download "The High Road" and "The Ghost Inside." They will not disappoint.

2. I think I have developed an addiction to Cadbury mini eggs. They are going to contribute to my body's demise. I need Easter to be over so I can stop consuming entire bags in one sitting. 3. TGIF means it's OTR time tonight- plus a visit from Egg Monster!! If tonight is anything like the past few weekends there, I will have plenty to blog about tomorrow :)