Everyday is TrayDay.

I have a great friend that I will refer to as TrayDay here (conspicuous for those who know him, but this post is about celebrating his talent, not publicly exploiting him for wild behavior, as I have been known to do). My history with TrayDay dates back to middle school when we became friends participating in the school talent show and hanging out on the mean streets/parks of Dubbs. He is UBER talented...it's almost nauseating. He painted the walls and ceiling of his bedroom growing up with all his favorite things- Beatles, Blues Brothers, Marley, etc. We became close senior year in high school. I basically forced him to talk to me for hours on school nights on the ol' home phone. We were senior prom dates and he gave me a painting of us for my 18th bday (I still have it and we look like infants). Lucky for me, TrayDay is still in my life and a very good friend to boot. He and AA are probably my favorite homeboys from Mt. Hopeless. I've been harassing TD to send me some of his art work so I can share it with all of you faithful followers. For you lady loves, here's a tidbit on TrayDay: Not only is he incredibly talented, he is also really ridiculously good-looking, funny and single. Feel free to follow him on twit or stalk him on FB. I have included some of his work below and above for your ocular pleasure. He is unbelievable.
This was on the chalkboard in his classroom last year. I worked at the same school and was able to see this firsthand. Real deal Holyfield.

Bottom line, this kid is boss. I dig talent and passion and I feel lucky to have such talented, smart, funny souls in my life.

Birth control infused vodka?

As many of you know, I am a HUGE Chelsea Handler fan. I dvr her show every night, have read all of her books and adopted some of her Lately Lexicons and incorporated them into my vernacular. So naturally when Kitty Cat and I got word that the comedians of Chelsea Lately would be in Newport for the summer comedy series, we were on board. I decided to follow them on twitter (Sarah Colonna, Josh Wolf, Loni Love and John Caparulo) and tweet at them in the hopes of getting to meet them.
Sidenote: I have developed a minor addiction to twitter. I can really let my freak flag fly there and spew all the wacky word vomit that comes to mind without being judged (27 followers on twit vs. 1100 fb friends). Much love to my fav tweeters: Novel Girl, AA, Summer Ale, Rock Lock, Momo, TrayDay, Chefanova, JJ Backstreet and Tiger (add him to my list of virtual connections via Novel Girl).
Back on track here: I am convinced that Sarah and Chelsea would love me and Kitty Cat. We are them- just 10 years younger, brunette and lacking national celebrity status. The week before the show, Chelsea had a Belvedere girl on and she and Sarah were sampling all the yummy cocktails she threw together. When Belvedere girl was talking about grapefruit infused vodka, Sarah asked if they had any birth-control infused vodka. I died. Genius, girl... I would market the shit of that around these parts. Fast forward to last Friday night. Kitty Cat and I successfully consume a bottle of bubbly before the 7:30 showtime. A couple of Ketel sodas and we were blackout before Loni Love finished (3rd comedian). It was my mission to meet Sarah (lesbihonest) so I told Kitty Cat to follow my lead and headed to the exit behind the stage. I asked the "security" ever so politely if we could sneak out that way then proceeded to call out Sarah's name. She came out of their trailer (bombed) and I told her that I often tweet at her and we had the potential to be besties. She said she recognized "Colie_D." Wooo girl! We took a pic with her and started to head out when I spotted John Caparulo. My close friends know I have a history of chubby chasing....Welp, I went back to Sarah and told her I wanted a pic with Caparulo because "I dig his body type." I am so ridiculous. She was into it and called him over, even referring to KC and I as "pretty girls." Another wooo girl! Check out the pic below, complete with my giant vodka induced cheesy grin and Caparulo's pit stains. Sexy.


The remainder of the evening is pretty fuzzy, but I know this much: we left and manged burgers at Juicy Cheesy (T), played and pregamed some more with the boys at Annimal House, sang "Bulletproof" with some bebs the whole walk to the Deck, and went on to consume an excess of vodka. The Deck is infested with YBs on the weekends and I'm not gonna lie, I'm into it.

My male counterpart?

An awful lot of fun occured in the 36(ish) hours I spent in the concrete jungle this past weekend. I want to start by reflecting on my friendship with Novel Girl. She and I reconnected back in February after coming to the realization that we are both budding bloggers with similar writing styles. We have always shared a special bond, but it has really solidified in the past few months. After spending the weekend with her in NYC, I compiled a list of things we have in common: being a "guy's girl" (aka having many guy friends and generally preferring male company), being a music junkie, sometimes spazzy, yellow auras, digging dorks for their intellectual stimulation, loving the classics but also girly trashy lit, enjoying all things sexually related. This is one of the things I love most about Novel Girl: she loves talking about sex and sharing stories as much as I do. I mean, let's be honest...sex is natural. Why shouldn't we talk about it freely? None of you prim and proper ladies are fooling me...you are probably all wild children in the bedroom. Was it Ludacris who said "want a lady in the street but a freak in the sheets?" I am a lady, I just have no qualms about speaking sexually (obviously). One other common thread between me and Novel Girl- we get pleasure out of connecting friends. I've mentioned the No Romo and Summer Ale connections. Well, NG and SA managed to convince me to join the twitter world and I don't regret it- so fun. I just need more followers (fishing for friends here). One of their twitter friends, Rock Lock, caught my attention. His avatar is him naked in a bucket with rubber duckies and his bio reads: "I write songs and make music videos about awesome stuff. I drink Jack Daniels and PBR because I'm classy. I'm good at Scrabble but I'm better at sex." After seeing that, I knew I had to follow him. 90% of his tweets are wild and sexual, so naturally I was intrigued by this cat and excited to meet him.

Fast forward to Friday night at 9. Novel Girl and Momo planned a surprise going away dinner for Summer Ale. He thought he was going with just the two of them, when in reality there were 10 of us waiting at the restaurant. So there I was, sitting at a table with a bunch of strangers when Rock Lock looks at me and says, "You're Colie D!? Novel Girl had me read some of your dirty blog posts. You're funny." Wooo virtual connection made real live connection. Later on he gave me a glimpse into his thoughts that night..." When you walked into the round table I was thinking a. who is this girl and why don't I know her? b. I'm not leaving this dinner. and c. when I realized you were ColieD I knew I would be doing you later." For the record, there was no penetration. There was, however, lots of witty sexual banter throughout the weekend and beyond. Rock Lock is a rock comedian who is sponsored by The Campus Socialite, a kick ass site that is in the process of taking over the college world. I dig his energy, his level of intensity and his overall rockstar lifestyle/attitude. During a night of crazy karoke and dancing, we discovered we were both feisty geminis and decided we were also very similar creatures...hence, my male counterpart. On twitter, he often "speaks socially." This has to do with being cool, popular, a socialite, and I have since slowly picked up the habit. On that note, I was stuck in traffic on the way to class this week and Rock Lock and I were bbming. I mentioned that a pocket vibrator would come in handy for these situations. His response, "It's called a blackberry. Put it on your p***y and I will take care of the rest." A whole lot of letters followed with some good vibrations. I found this hysterical and we both tweeted about it with the #speaksocial tag. People ate his tweet for dinner (his words). I am constantly entertained by this character and felt the need to share some of his quality entertainment for your visual and auditory pleasure. Exhibit A is the first installment of the blog series he is writing for Campus Socialite, entitled My First Time: Getting Head from a Chick with Braces. Exhibit B is his youtube video, "Your sister has herpes, she gave 'em to me." Both will provide substantial comic relief for those of you, like me, who enjoy a healthy dose of crude humor.


Looking forward to our next interaction. Until then, I will settle for video viewing, tantalizing tweets and bbm blasts.

3 cruisers and a beach cruiser.

I am not sure why my WILD friend Tucker Max has yet to be the focus of a post. I would imagine it has something to do with the fact that he has so manyyy stories that it is impossible to keep up. He is more sexually charged than anyone I know, Reef Rider included (although he seems to think she is his female equivalent and that they should sleep together). TM is Kitty-Cat's bestie and he is clearly in love with her- doesn't hide his love at all. His love for our gender as a whole keeps them from starting a committed relationship. Unfortunately this little island is only blessed with his presence and entertainment for less than half the year as he spends his winters on a golf course in sunny FLA. For those of you who have never experienced Tucker Max live in the flesh, I will warn you: I am not sure I can do him justice with words alone. He is quite the anomaly. He will spit game to any living, breathing, attractive (usually) female he comes in contact with, and when he shoots he often scores. There is NO shame in his game. I would be interested in learning his success rate. Nights out with TM are always EPIC.

The inspiration to write this came last Friday morning as I was getting ready for my weekend trip to New York (a story about that is in the works...I heart that city and its inhabitants). Tucker bbmed while I was at the gym to let me know he had a story to share. Sidenote: I did not go out the previous evening due to grad school responsibilities (which is seriously effecting my social life and I am less than thrilled about it). Anywaayyyy, Kitty Cat did go out with TM and a bunch of frat house boys and they got wild of course. Sometime after KC left TM, he went down to the wharf to get his car and spotted a beach cruiser. His drunken thought process aided him in opting out of driving a motor vehicle and instead stealing a bike. He then went on to ride the bike to our apt (swiping a street sign along the way to contribute to his kleptomania) and begin banging forcefully on our front door. Apparently this all went down between 2:30 and 3 am. I had been up packing and didn't fall asleep until close to 2, but I completely slept through all the shenanigans that ensued (as did Kitty Cat). New fun fact: we are not light sleepers. Tucker Max's incessant door banging led to the arrival of not one but three officers of the law. They went on to question and search him on our front lawn. My window is RIGHT there. How did I miss all of this?? Somehow TM managed to schmooze his way out of getting arrested. Best part of the story...Kitty Cat and Art Smart were at the beach the next day and were chatting with one of AS's co-workers...turns out she was the owner of the stolen cruiser. Pictured below is Tucker packing the bike in the Jeep the next day for delivery to its rightful owner.

Oh wait, the story gets even better. Tuesday night we all went out and Tucker Max and Bike Owner became acquainted. Comedy. He felt so badly about the situation that he offered to take her to dinner. Chatting with TM on Thursday: "She thinks I'm sweet for returning it and offering to take her out. I can't believe I'm going to get laid for stealing a bike. You might want to hold off on blogging until you get the FULL story."
Well, I couldn't hold off. But I promise to keep you followers updated.

Memorial Madness.

Memorial Day weekend marks the beginning of summer. As we all know, summer means more sun, more booze, more exposed flesh. An overall happy sexy vibe in the city by the sea. Memorial Day weekend also happens to encompass my birthday almost every year (I used to love my birthday...as the years seem to fly by and the number skyrockets, I am less than thrilled about it). Birthdays do, however, serve as a friendly reminder that we are loved and a validation of our existence. My celebrations began a few days early this year at Kabuki with my South County friends. Last year my Melrose Boys made me a vulgar cake (chocolate, in the shape of male genitalia. amazing). This year, they really outdid themselves. I think they need to get on Ace of Cakes. So wild.

Along with the inappropriate cake, there was plenty of bubbly for yours truly. When Novel Girl came to visit, we decided that champagne goes straight to our va-jay-jays. True story. I kept it classy that night and only had 2 splits. It was a bit awkward walking out of a sushi restaurant with that obsene cake, especially when I tried to feed it to strangers.

You're so tiny!

So much nonsense has occurred since my last post... I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with Sunday Funday back on May 16th. I left work pretty exhausted/hazy from the previous night's festivities (if my memory serves, I believe it was a Studio experience) and met Kitty-Cat, Reef Rider, Art Smart, Chowe and Tucker Max down at the Landing. Perfect Sunday Funday crew if I do say so myself. Ketel sodas were flowing before sunset thanks to the fabtastic bartender KO. Sometime around 8? we decided it would be a good idea to consume some food to soak up the booze in our bellies. We scored the sweet corner of the bar at the Brick...drank more, manged plenty. Us gals then made the responsible decision to call it a night and head home. Back at the apt...on with the Ipod and "Airplanes." That jam put us in instant dance party mode, complete with lights off and serious rocking out on the couch. No subtle dancing there. Reef Rider parted to rendezvous with WUC and Chowe fell into a coma amidst the dance party madness. Rocking out really gave us a second wind and AS, KC and I decided to meander down to OB's after Dixie Chick let me know it was all happening down there.

What...a shitshow it was. Rugby tournament had been going on that weekend, so not only were all the Newport rugby boys in attendance, but the British boys were there as well...in costume. Absolute debauchery. We obviously made friends with most of them. Art Smart was all about them...and one of them was all about me. Homeboy was a monster dressed in a Wonder Woman getup, wig and all. One of his thighs were bigger than my whole body. My guess is that he was 6'5, 280 lbs? HUGE. He continuously slapped my ass throughout the evening, grabbed my waist and shouted (insert British accent here), "You're so tiny! I would destroy you!" Funny, yet scary/borderline rape? When we finally decided to leave after one two many Ketel cocktails, the Bloody Brut Brit violently picked me up, broke my necklace, gave me his email address and planted a fat one on my lips. Kitty-Cat and I escaped and Tucker Max came back to pass out on couch. She and I proceeded to engage in yet another dance party at 1am while TM creepily drunkenly watched. Ha. What wild little cats we are.

Needless to say, work was rough that Monday and all KC and I did that evening was lie in bed in a fog while reading our wall-to-wall fb activity from the past 3 years. Comedy.

Check out the monster on the left. That is no joke.

Lit-tle cats..

I know you are all DYING for updates on my bitches. Here goes...

Kitty-Cat: Immediately following the Are we sluts? post, KC started going steady with her YB. TFS. Here's the kicker. YB will not cater to her needs. In the past month, they have gone on numerous dinner dates, daytime excursions, nights out drinking... this has only lead to some couch cuddling and PG coed sleepovers. Poor Kitty-Cat. All this YB does is compliment her... tells her she is the complete package, beautiful, a girl he thought he could never get. I know it sounds lame, but he is such a good YB. He is sweet to me too, and thinks the dynamic that Kitty-Cat and I have is killer (duh). Perhaps he is holding her up on a pedestal? I mean, she is a catch. Obviously. But, come on Young Boy! You have a hot older woman in bed with you- penetrate!! Her lower manhattan needs some attention. I'm sick of all my guy friends asking me if Kitty-Cat has GL'ed yet. She likes this boy, but if he doesn't man up by this weekend, I think she is going to give him a talking to. There are plenty of creeps waiting in the wings who will be happy to get the job done.

Reef Rider: Speaking of this YB, a couple weeks ago at OTR Reef Rider met his bestie whom she dubbed Little Big Cat. RR loves to call young boys Little Cats, and this Little Cat is exceptionally tall. Hence the name LBC. I love it. Hearing her say it is the funniest part. She kills me. LBC was feeling RR and they flirted all night. His baby mama drama is a major turn-off for her, but that didn't stop her from getting wild with LBC on my couch following too many dirty martinis and shots on Cinco de Mayo (Backstory: LBC told YB that it was his mission to slay Reef Rider). They decided it is best to be FWB. Interestingly enough, my little sexual deviant is in like with a new boy. Homeboy (she likes to refer to him as Wifed-up Creep) just needs to cut his dumpy girlfriend loose.

Novel Girl: She and No Romo do not let a day go by without contact, and while neither one will admit it to me... they are definitely in like with one another. He went to visit her in the city two weeks ago and she is on her way to Rhody as I write this. Woooo girl! I am so excited to see them interact live in the flesh. A virtual connection that I get credit for!! Novel Girl felt the need to reciprocate and connect me with her friend Summer Ale via bbm. I told him that if and when the NG/NR wedding occurs, we will be each other's plus ones (even if we have significant others- it just seems oh so fitting).

Bambi: Girl actually had sex in a bed last weekend. Blackout sex, but at least they took it out of the car and in between the sheets. I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump n' grind...

Chi Girl: She had a magical elevator connection with a Pharm Boy over a month ago and this sexy stud proceeded to retrieve her work digits and leave an amaaaazzinngg voicemail. Wednesday night Chi Girl sent me a fantastic series of bbms after attending Pharm Boy's softball game and taking tequilla shots with the entire (studly) team.

"They loved me. And PB couldn't keep his oven mitts off me. So we face f***ed in a mall parking lot. Then my classometer hit its Nader and I called it una noche. He was like please stay over it's pouring and you drank. We can handcuff me and lock me in a room alone... I won't touch you. I was like...tough sell. But I'll brave the streets."

This whole amazing conversation began with 12 "omg's" expressing her excitement about a new T-shirt design idea (which I will not reveal as to avoid stealing). Get on that girl, the skinny virgin tee has been a huge hit.

So tonight should be spectacular and after Tuesday night I will have 2 weeks off from grad school!! More frequent updates to come kids. Happy weekend.