Part Two of the Weekend Update: 24 hour Whirlwind with Chi Girl.

I have given you a taste of Chi Girl's personality with the story of Daring Dilf Doc, but even a word-lover like myself cannot begin to describe her fully. I arrived at hometown casa de Chi Girl around noon (still hungover) and had a FANTASTIC conversation with her mom while waiting for her to get ready. We were discussing CG's strong desire to marry a rich Jew. Mom refers to them in general as "wimpy men who are coddled by their mothers" and Israeli Jews as "arrogant f**ks." Keep in mind she is Jewish herself, but opted to marry an Irish man, then an Italian. Funny thing is, I seem to have acquired a strange affinity for Jews. Helllloooo Seth Rogen. Ha.

CG, J.Crew Gal (CG's best friend from childhood) and I head to Prov to enjoy the sunshine and block party festivities. We make our way to Murphy's beer tent to meet up with EG boys and get acquainted with Ponytail Girl (who, in keeping with the theme, happens to be Jewish and who I would very quickly develop a girl crush on). It didn't take long before we hopped on the day-drinking band wagon. During our outdoor circle time, we notice a guy lying on the sidewalk, passed out with a beer next to him and his fly unzipped. Feast your eyes on this visual.

Crazy paranoid waitress felt the need to get the po-pos involved. Calm down girl, he's breathing! Homeboy just needed a snooze. The corrupt cops come along and engage the now large group of onlookers, Pig #1: "Nothing to see here, folks!" Pig #2: "What team does he play for?" (For those of you who are unaware, NCAA tournament was going on that day). The kid wakes up and says, "I was tired. Worked the late shift at the Biltmore." Amazing. Ponytail Girl recognizes him as a valet boy. Po-pos send him on his way.

A little while later, we decide to relocate for some lunch at Bravo. On the walk over, Chi Girl and I lag behind at Trinity because she is in Guido Heaven (side note: CG pumped me up to hang out with "elite italians" this weekend... never happened. see Chi Girl does not attract Shy Guys for a reference to her severe ADHD).

Things get silly and a little blurry at lunch... Chi Girl providing a comedy routine for the table as usual. Side conversation with my great friend Sweater Boy got interesting when he provided me with a fork and knife simulation on how to master the "mandy9" (I will not explain this move due to the fact that my mother reads my blog and she already has been exposed to more than her little heart desires).

I don't think I can get into details on the evening without incriminating/upsetting anyone. Just know that we all got a little wild, I took my first motorcycle ride (the leather jacket I was sporting/wine I was consuming gave me courage), and we got driven home by a Giant Ginger who carried me like a sack of potatoes after my feet stopped working at McFadden's. Giant Ginger also crashed with us at Chi Girl's so he didn't have to drive back to Beantown.

CG's Stepdad in the morning: "Whose Jeep is that?"

CG: "Giant Ginger. We didn't want him driving back to Boston last night."

Stepdad leaves room.

CG to mom: "Is he pissed?"

Mom: "I don't know... he doesn't do well with strangers. In his house."

Stay tuned for a photo sampling as soon as Chi Girl provides me with them...